I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Say something about gay babies.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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