i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize