Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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