i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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