I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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