Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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