I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
