lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
