what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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