I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
