I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
