did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
