Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
