he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
