Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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