Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did I show you my penis last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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