anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
worst night to have a conscience
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
