just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
