I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
