he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
