Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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