I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
