The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
