I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
