Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
