i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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