I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize