My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it hurts more in the daytime
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
