I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
