I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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