Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
