wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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