i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize