So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
