Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
