Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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