cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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