I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
honey bunches of taint.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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