Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
is it fun? or sober?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
