Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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