I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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