a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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