I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
