we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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