Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
