I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
