i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
