Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
