Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
