if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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