Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
