fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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