i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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