I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
