i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
