the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
