best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
