dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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