everyone is single if you try hard enough
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize