Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
