Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
