they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
