the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
