girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
