...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
