i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
