everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
