My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
