Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
