He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
