Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
