I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
