I only kidnapped one of them. chill
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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