Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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