I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize