This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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