I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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