I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
