Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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