another moral hangover. fuck.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
