"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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