11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
