If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
