He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
