youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
