How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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