Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
