Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
