Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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