so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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