wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
