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hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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