my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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