I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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