Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Boobs are out for the taking
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
