I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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