dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
