After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
