Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
