my sisters under your porch take her home
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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