Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
