I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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