piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
